I haven't written much in a while because I don't know what I want to say. I want to say everything, and nothing. I want to explain where I'm at, but then I don't feel like I even know for myself where that is. And really, do people even read blogs anymore?
There was a time when all I wanted to do was write. It was so cathartic, my thoughts flowing out onto the paper or the screen without hesitation, without judgement. That was when I had more time. As long as no one else is reading or judging my writing, I can let it all out. When I'm finished, I feel lighter. So much that I become willing to share my writing with others. I can make sense of what's in my head . . . a purging of sorts. Most of the time, after meticulous editing, I feel brave enough to hit 'publish', and it is out in the world. A scary and very liberating moment.
It's January, 2019, and I've been working on myself a ton. Who am I besides a stay at home mom of what sometimes feels like too many twins? Last year, in a moment of wanting so desperately to be something else, I announced I would like to start a home design/organizing business. The idea sounded so fun, but the time was not right for me to work outside of the home. I also realized that I am not one who likes to market myself. I will never be someone who sends ten emails a day to sell my product, brand, or service. I want to help people, take care of them, but I don't like the idea of shameless advertising or selling. I think this is why being a mother and a teacher of young children has always felt so natural to me. I believe I am a Caregiver Archetype, someone with a natural compassion for others and who can anticipate the needs of others (this is a great article about the Archetypes). So, whatever I do outside of being a mother, I want it to include caring for and helping others.
Through lots of reading, listening, and meditation, I am learning that I will not be happy or feel fulfilled in this life unless I am doing the thing that lights me up! What could I do for hours on end and still be energized? What gets me out of bed in the morning and propels me through my day? Honestly, it's home design and organization. I love rearranging rooms in our home to make them more aesthetically pleasing and functional at the same time. I love discovering how our moods, behaviors, and frustrations can be improved upon by making the environment we live in more beautiful and purposeful. I love organizing, purging items we no longer need or love, and I get giddy when I can put new life into a thrift store find.
Recently, I realized that our upstairs living room wasn't working for our family of six. The kids were fighting over the couch and there wasn't really anywhere else to sit that was both stylish and kid friendly. So, I began my hunt for a chair that was super cheap (like, under $50) and that fit the style of my home. For two days, I was energized by the project and ended up with TWO chairs that were a perfect fit after some love and elbow grease! I couldn't believe the energy and determination I felt doing this project. There was so much satisfaction in making our living room more functional and stylish on a budget! I thought to myself, THIS is what I want to do. I want to help people love their homes without spending a ton of money. Sometimes it's just hanging pictures in a different way, or rearranging furniture that makes all the difference. So many times I hear people say, "I want to move, our house isn't working for us." These are the people I want to help because I was the same way! Our little 1950s rambler wasn't working for our family of 6, until I found creative ways to love every room. I adore our house now, and it is definitely my canvas and my creative outlet.
For now, I am just going to share what I love; our home improvement projects, organizing ideas, and design inspiration. I am not looking for work, but if you want me to come over and help you love your house I'll be there! Last year, my ego told me that I'm not cut out for running a business and that my job is to be a stay at home mom to these four rascals. Today, I am listening to my gut and the emotions that tell me to do what gives me joy, energy, and light. If this turns into a career or a side gig, great! If it's just my hobby forever, that's okay too. I heard a great mantra the other day from one of my favorite podcasts, Manifest This with Ashley Wood, She said, "let go and flow". Wow. That's it. I am going to let go of any expectations when it comes to a career or work in home design, and just do what I love. I'm going to let the creativity and inspiration flow, and see where it takes me.
Thanks for reading!